Whatever works There is no one-size-fits-all relationship especially long term. If one person has the means to pay and the other one doesn't, then maybe the. Today, every time the check arrives, guys must weigh their options man; similarly, in the beginning of the relationship, it is the man who pays. You can have a healthy relationship without becoming financially dependent.
You seem to have observed your girlfriend's attitude to money. Ask yourself - what is her attitude to work? Does she like work?
If she doesn't particularly like her current job any many don't does she at least aspire to go on to do something better? To have a career? Does she equate the value of money with hard work? Or, do you feel that she expects you to provide the money throughout your relationship? If it is the latter and you ignore the warning signs you could find yourself in the situation that many do - married to someone who persistently pressures them to work more and earn more, and miserable because of it.
When you talk to her about this issue, I feel you should communicate two things: The point of your question, namely that you are not ready to share everything that you have with her at this time, but also If she expects you to be something you are not then if you are honest and transparent at this stage you aren't going to end up trapped in the situation I described earlier.
To be clear - I don't want to split you guys up! I may have said some negative things here but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt because as I said, there are different reasons why people aspire to have money. On the matter of paying for herself you could say: You know, I think it's reasonable for us to pay our own way when we go out. After all, we both work.
Plus if I pay for you all the time, then it wouldn't be special when I treat you on special occasions. And sometimes, they'll come right out and say how much they have or something like, "I want someone who is as financially successful as I am.
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So I am serious about wanting to understand this. I'm not casting aspersions. I'm grasping for knowledge.
Women want, and should receive, treatment as equals on all fronts. As an enlightened liberal and a man with both a daughter and a granddaughter, I want that for the young women I care about, and for all women.
But I don't get how the quite understandable expectation of equality squares with the not understandable expectation that he should pay for the dinner, the movie, the hotel, the trip to London.
Now, like everything in the world, this isn't an absolute. The most generous woman I've ever had a relationship with was the one who arguably had the least money. She is simply a good person who understands shared financial burden and responsibility. By contrast, the least generous woman I was involved with had the most money. I won't go into detail, as I make it a matter of personal policy in these columns not to identify anyone. But she had a LOT of money from books, television and ex-husbands.
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None of that altered the fact that her wallet was apparently super-glued to her thigh. She never picked up a check.
Who Should Pay?
I am not exaggerating. Money, like sex and politics, is a sensitive topic in relationships. But like sex and politics, it shouldn't be one-sided. Both parties have a role in it if things are to go forward successfully. I'm not a cheap guy. Ask the woman I took to Venice Italy, not Florida for her birthday. Or the one who told me her former boyfriend had written her a monthly check and would I be willing to do the same No! Or the several who told me flat out they were looking for a guy with a "substantial retirement account" or similar sentiments.