The Hardest Part of a Long-Distance Relationship: 12 steps for making it work | Texan in Tokyo
Courtney cited the 'lack of commitment' in her long-distance 'are-they-aren't-they' relationship as the source of her lovesickness. Elizabeth also. She is still in love with her long distance ex-boyfriend. How do I win her over? I know the usual "give her time" but I don't want to mess this up. I have a crush on. People tend to think long-distance relationships are one of the hardest possible ways of loving someone. I live in one: As a young European, I am deeply in love.
I could feel him being on the other side, thinking of me and being in love with me. This was all I could ask for.
However, I knew this serenity would come and go; frustration could kick in eventually and challenge us.
Around one year and two visits later, the downsides of the distance did indeed knock me off. I missed my boyfriend during days and nights, and fear crept in.
What if this would lead us only to a big disappointment? My mind dug through tons of questions and my world felt not as open and wide anymore. We need to keep putting our heads up high and take the distance as our current external state that shapes us but will change eventually. But I always wished for a wonderful man with a beautiful character who loves me for who I am.
Now I got my wish—just totally out of my comfort zone. I use different channels for communication, and surprise my honey from time to time with a postcard, a colorful photo, or an unexpected call. This is annoying but okay. Make yourself a team in this. You want to handle challenges as a team and become closer through them. It is what it is, and we can only do our best today in loving each other, and work toward a life together with patience and faith.
Therefore I give my best in choosing love over doubt.
Lovesick over long distance relationships
Then I share my frustration with him, talk to a close friend, or do something uplifting just for myself. Then the feeling of love comes back on its own and laughs gently on my worried mind. Every relationship faces challenges, and doubts may plague us sometimes. Become clear about who you are and what you want. In a long-distance relationship it may even take more time to realize the other one is just as human as you.
4 Lessons About Love and Long-Distance Relationships
Try to first see what it is in you that makes you irritated, and exchange thoughts about it calmly and respectfully. Always keep curious and ask lots of questions.
Be willing to open up just as much. Also, talk about where you want to head together and how you want to live. As long as you respect and love your partner, you will always find a way to deal mindfully with conflict and disagreement. Spend quality time together. Just make sure the time with each other is well spent.
A little jealousy can even spark fresh attraction and a new appreciation for your partner. However, while a single candle can illuminate a room, a blaze can burn it to the ground.
Uncontrolled jealousy can lead to a destructive combination of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, anger, and shame. Controlling jealousy is not easy, but it can be done. Take a look at this article for more on the nuts and bolts of how to get a handle on overcoming jealousy: Jumping in the deep end Growing apart is a particular pitfall for couples that were established before they started doing long distance.
Couples who like I did start their relationship across distance face almost the opposite problem—the temptation to become too emotionally intimate, too quickly.
In some ways, getting to know someone via email and phone calls can help your relationship. The distance can force you to talk about all sorts of things you might not have discussed if doing other things or, um, each other was a realistic option. On the other hand, falling in love long distance is a risky business.
Remember that the rules of long distance relationships should be the same as those posted at public pools: Walk, do not run. And no diving in headfirst. Take your time getting to know each other. Approaching your new relationship in a measured manner may yield benefits for years to come. Miscommunications Miscommunications and misunderstandings happen frequently in relationships.
They happen when you share the same house with someone. Luckily for me, Mike is not easily offended or hurt or, for that matter, deterred. Another time, Mike and I were discussing something that I was very worried about. This makes effective communication harder. When you feel confused or hurt, remember that you may have misunderstood what your partner said or meant! Ask questions to clarify, and really try to respond thoughtfully rather than just react.
Beyond any specific incident, learn the natural similarities and differences in your communication styles, and how each of you tends to react to frustration, disappointment, or conflict. Check out this article series on managing conflict in long distance relationships. Stonewalling People sometimes email me about their long distance relationship and say something like this: What should I do? It is using silence as a weapon or an escape. It is controlling the situation by simply refusing to engage.
Distance makes this particularly easy to do, and it can drive your long distance partner crazy with frustration, second-guessing, and self-doubt. If you catch yourself stonewalling, ask yourself why. Are you trying to punish or hurt the other person?
Or are you mostly taking what looks like the easy way out by avoiding complicated emotions or discussions? Whatever the answer is, stop it. When your partner does get back in touch, tell them how hurt and frustrated it made you feel to get the silent treatment. Tell them how you wish they had dealt with the situation instead of disengaging. Becoming possessive Another issue that often pops up in my inbox goes something like this: Distance can make it harder to trust and easier for jealousy and insecurity to run rampant.
This combination often fuels possessive and controlling behavior. If you are feeling and acting possessive, try to figure out why. This is a complicated issue, and that might not be easy to do. You can, however, act less controlling even before you sort out all your feelings. Take a hard look at what you are asking for from your partner in terms of contact, accessibility, and updates.
Are your expectations reasonable? If not, decide what is reasonable preferably together and then stick to that. If your partner is smothering you, tell them.Love Sick (Short Film)
That will only make them more anxious and demanding. Cheating Do you want the good news? Several research studies have concluded that cheating does not occur more often in long distance relationships.